When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love, if it does not exist
But darling, you are the only exception.
Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul,
That love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone,
Or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness,
Because none of it was ever worth the risk.
But you are the only exception.
I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh
You are the only exception.
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011.
It's finally 2011. Which, I don't really know why I'm so excited it's FINALLY here...not much is in store for me for the this year besides turning 21 and moving out on my own, possibly by myself. This past year was a doozy and I have learned a lot. Therefore, this blog will entail reflection and end with the plans of what I hope to achieve (a.k.a. new year resolutions).
My new years eve last year was spent by myself. I watched probably one of the most depressing movies made (Revolutionary Road) and watched the ball drop by myself. Depressing, yes. But I did chose this for myself. I was mostly drowning in self pity because my then boyfriend couldn't make it down from Portland and I was rather pissed. I had the hopes that he would maybe surprise me or something. Nothing of the sort occured. I played the role of D.D. for my mom and step-dad (which, I really don't mind doing) and they claimed that it was "THE YEAR OF THE BETH!". They weren't that intoxicated, I swear.
Anyways, I had a good idea then and assumed that that night was to symbolize what was about to happen. Eventually, my then boyrfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up that March. Depressing, yes. But that is a whole other story to unravel...
School has never really been an issue for me. My grades have stayed steady and I've kept at it with a positive attitude. I'm proud to say that I'm a Junior in college and have stayed successful in school.
I met someone else in the year 2010...that was a rough ride and another story to unravel. Eventually, we became official in August.
My sister got married in the year 2010. SO unbelievably stressful, but a very magical and surreal moment to get to be apart of. It's obviously a memory I will never forget...
I had a lot of firsts in the year 2010...mostly bad. Everyone has them though, right? All apart of growing up.
My family had some rough times in the year 2010...but I think that's to be expected out of every year from here on out. Depressing, yes. But that's my family for you.
Alright, time for the RESOLUTIONS:
1.) Work out more and eat healthier.
2.) Make time for more studying and getting to the library. My grades have been steady, doesn't mean I can't do better.
3.) Make an effort to call and see my family, rather than just texting. Technology is just getting in the way.
4.) Make time for Bethody time. (Bethany + Cody (boyfriend) = Bethody).
5.) Have fun, but be responsible.
6.) Stop picking eyebrows. (Cross your fingers that this is the year...)
I think that's a good list, don't you?
I just want to have an awesome 21er, move out on my own own (as in with no family members), stay on top of my game and be happy...
Mostly, I want to be happy and stay that way.
Happy New Year!
My new years eve last year was spent by myself. I watched probably one of the most depressing movies made (Revolutionary Road) and watched the ball drop by myself. Depressing, yes. But I did chose this for myself. I was mostly drowning in self pity because my then boyfriend couldn't make it down from Portland and I was rather pissed. I had the hopes that he would maybe surprise me or something. Nothing of the sort occured. I played the role of D.D. for my mom and step-dad (which, I really don't mind doing) and they claimed that it was "THE YEAR OF THE BETH!". They weren't that intoxicated, I swear.
Anyways, I had a good idea then and assumed that that night was to symbolize what was about to happen. Eventually, my then boyrfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up that March. Depressing, yes. But that is a whole other story to unravel...
School has never really been an issue for me. My grades have stayed steady and I've kept at it with a positive attitude. I'm proud to say that I'm a Junior in college and have stayed successful in school.
I met someone else in the year 2010...that was a rough ride and another story to unravel. Eventually, we became official in August.
My sister got married in the year 2010. SO unbelievably stressful, but a very magical and surreal moment to get to be apart of. It's obviously a memory I will never forget...
I had a lot of firsts in the year 2010...mostly bad. Everyone has them though, right? All apart of growing up.
My family had some rough times in the year 2010...but I think that's to be expected out of every year from here on out. Depressing, yes. But that's my family for you.
Alright, time for the RESOLUTIONS:
1.) Work out more and eat healthier.
2.) Make time for more studying and getting to the library. My grades have been steady, doesn't mean I can't do better.
3.) Make an effort to call and see my family, rather than just texting. Technology is just getting in the way.
4.) Make time for Bethody time. (Bethany + Cody (boyfriend) = Bethody).
5.) Have fun, but be responsible.
6.) Stop picking eyebrows. (Cross your fingers that this is the year...)
I think that's a good list, don't you?
I just want to have an awesome 21er, move out on my own own (as in with no family members), stay on top of my game and be happy...
Mostly, I want to be happy and stay that way.
Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Reflection.
Tonight I went over to my dads to hang out and helped him decorate his Christmas tree. It was just the two of us and had the perfect timing. Like I said in my last post, I haven't been really enjoying Christmas time. I haven't been able to decorate a tree yet, so for my dad to offer for me to help was perfect. :) We chatted, reflected on the past year and just had Dad and Beth quality time. I hadn't had that in forever.
Whenever we chat, we talk about our personal lifes and how much they've change. We talk a bit about the present and then somehow end up on our pasts. My dad and I have been through a lot together. He took me under his wing through out my parents divorce and ever since have been eachother's support system through everything. Anyways, my dad brought up how different our lifes have changed since 7-8 years ago. It's crazy to think about. Of course, the divorce got brought up and my dad is always afraid of offended his daughters when he says he doesn't think much of a our mother. Well duh. My mom hasn't thought much of my dad either. If they hadn't had us, they would be out of eachothers lifes completely. I think it's sort of selfish for us girls (I have two sisters) to say that mom and dad should have stayed together for us. Sure, it would have made our lifes a hell of a lot easier but obviously they were not happy. Sacrifices must be made in order to acheive happiness.
My family has undergone many changes and I've come to the realization that it will never be the same. We are all growing and changing apart from one another. I go with out seeing my mom and dad for weeks at time. If I didn't live with my older sister, the same would apply to my sisters. It's so weird to think about how often I don't see my family and how ok I am with that. I'm just so wrapped up and busy with my life, that I can't seem to find time to fit them in. Thank goodness for texting, otherwise I wouldn't talk to them much either... I need to work on that.
Whenever we chat, we talk about our personal lifes and how much they've change. We talk a bit about the present and then somehow end up on our pasts. My dad and I have been through a lot together. He took me under his wing through out my parents divorce and ever since have been eachother's support system through everything. Anyways, my dad brought up how different our lifes have changed since 7-8 years ago. It's crazy to think about. Of course, the divorce got brought up and my dad is always afraid of offended his daughters when he says he doesn't think much of a our mother. Well duh. My mom hasn't thought much of my dad either. If they hadn't had us, they would be out of eachothers lifes completely. I think it's sort of selfish for us girls (I have two sisters) to say that mom and dad should have stayed together for us. Sure, it would have made our lifes a hell of a lot easier but obviously they were not happy. Sacrifices must be made in order to acheive happiness.
My family has undergone many changes and I've come to the realization that it will never be the same. We are all growing and changing apart from one another. I go with out seeing my mom and dad for weeks at time. If I didn't live with my older sister, the same would apply to my sisters. It's so weird to think about how often I don't see my family and how ok I am with that. I'm just so wrapped up and busy with my life, that I can't seem to find time to fit them in. Thank goodness for texting, otherwise I wouldn't talk to them much either... I need to work on that.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Number One: Money.
Once upon a time, Bethany had a blog long ago. First trial didn't go so well because of offending someone and decided to stop posting. Moral of the story? Don't treat blogging as a diary and try not to get to personal. So, here we are for round two. Hopefully this goes well and I'll stick around longer.
It's Christmas time (my most favorite time of the year, besides my birthday) and it doesn't really feel like it. Lately, life has been feeling like I've just been going through the motions. Typical college student life, right? Can't really afford to go anywhere or do anything. It's really unfortunate and makes life feel pretty boring. I'm alright with living the simple life, I'm a very simple girl. Every now and then though, that thought of living everyday to its fullest crawls to the back of my head and just has a little picnic. I really haven't done much or seen anything. These are the years that are suppose to be the best years of your life, and I'm just coasting through them. Living on your own isn't all what it's cracked up to be. The only satisfying deal that comes along with the package is no rules. You don't have any parents to listen to and you can do whatever you want, sort of. However, the cons weigh out the pros. You have to pay bills, clean, provide yourself with food...but why do I waste time listing the stuff when you probably already have a good idea about what I'm talking about. It straight up blows 99.9% of the time. Money doesn't grow on trees! Dang it.
Back to Christmas time...I love it. However, like I said I don't feel like I've really taken the time to enjoy it. I love the lights, the decorations, the music, everything. Even the crazy traffic and crazy shoppers! It's just floating on past me though. It's pretty depressing. I've only bought one gift and I have 11 days left till Christmas. The problem? I have no idea what the hell to buy anyone. I could get them what I get everyone every year, but I like to be sentimental and get them something they actually would like. The problem? No one is telling me what they want. Also, money is pretty tight this year which limits my options immensely. Last year I spent money like it was going out of style and I was so excited to give everyone their gifts. This year receives the label of "eh"... So unfortunate.
Before this month I had so much to look forward too. My birthday trip to Vegas and a trip to Disneyland in August. I was finally going to go places and get out of Eugene for a little bit. Now, I don't know if they'll even happen. I just don't know about a lot of things, which isn't how this girl works. I have to have a game plan, an agenda, a route, a something! I can't keep my head on straight anymore. Things keep getting taken away from me because of money. Growing up sucks. Why are these times the best years of your life? Whoever said that must have had Daddy paying for everything and got the experience of a life time...
It's Christmas time (my most favorite time of the year, besides my birthday) and it doesn't really feel like it. Lately, life has been feeling like I've just been going through the motions. Typical college student life, right? Can't really afford to go anywhere or do anything. It's really unfortunate and makes life feel pretty boring. I'm alright with living the simple life, I'm a very simple girl. Every now and then though, that thought of living everyday to its fullest crawls to the back of my head and just has a little picnic. I really haven't done much or seen anything. These are the years that are suppose to be the best years of your life, and I'm just coasting through them. Living on your own isn't all what it's cracked up to be. The only satisfying deal that comes along with the package is no rules. You don't have any parents to listen to and you can do whatever you want, sort of. However, the cons weigh out the pros. You have to pay bills, clean, provide yourself with food...but why do I waste time listing the stuff when you probably already have a good idea about what I'm talking about. It straight up blows 99.9% of the time. Money doesn't grow on trees! Dang it.
Back to Christmas time...I love it. However, like I said I don't feel like I've really taken the time to enjoy it. I love the lights, the decorations, the music, everything. Even the crazy traffic and crazy shoppers! It's just floating on past me though. It's pretty depressing. I've only bought one gift and I have 11 days left till Christmas. The problem? I have no idea what the hell to buy anyone. I could get them what I get everyone every year, but I like to be sentimental and get them something they actually would like. The problem? No one is telling me what they want. Also, money is pretty tight this year which limits my options immensely. Last year I spent money like it was going out of style and I was so excited to give everyone their gifts. This year receives the label of "eh"... So unfortunate.
Before this month I had so much to look forward too. My birthday trip to Vegas and a trip to Disneyland in August. I was finally going to go places and get out of Eugene for a little bit. Now, I don't know if they'll even happen. I just don't know about a lot of things, which isn't how this girl works. I have to have a game plan, an agenda, a route, a something! I can't keep my head on straight anymore. Things keep getting taken away from me because of money. Growing up sucks. Why are these times the best years of your life? Whoever said that must have had Daddy paying for everything and got the experience of a life time...
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